The Tattoos That Will Keep You Out Of Heaven?

Reality television is all around us. Whether it be the website you are reading now, or walking into a Walmart, just praying that you witness an episode of PeopleOfWalmart.com. Every now and then we find such a gem of an article that we have to really digest what we are seeing before we can even attempt to repost our findings. 

Music can be a great divider amongst folks talking on their favorite playlists. Who cares what you enjoy listening to, as our listening pleasure goes out to music across the board from Bach, to Bathory, to Buck Owens and to Buddy Guy. We make no judgements on the tunes, but where the line in the sand is drawn, comes down to fan devoted tattoos. Poor taste can lead to quite the downfall, but even Tosh.O cannot offer these folks any sort of web redemption. Please God, have mercy on their souls.

Check out the post on Noisey.com

"In the past ten years, our culture has reversed its attitude about tattoos, and dermis ink has shifted from offensive scribblings on the disease-ridden arms of convicts and sailors to literally everyone you know in real life and see on TV. As this shift has occurred, the level of dumb tattoos has risen with their acceptance. 

Now don't misunderstand: Dumb tattoos are the best kind. Getting liquored up with your friends and getting matching Meat Shits stick-n-pokes is arguably the best way to whittle Friday night into Saturday morning. But now that every dingus with eighty bucks to spare is lining up at their local tat shop to snag the tree from that Modest Mouse record, we're all starting to wish we'd just stayed clean. Too late.

Anyway, today I went on the Internet and it showed me a bunch of awful band tattoos and then I put them back on the Internet. 

15 Miley Cyrus Tattoos

This Yorkshire, UK local has (count 'em) 15 Miley Cyrus tattoos all over his body. He has her name on both hands and his chest, but the kicker is the portrait of her on his shoulder depicting a post-Hannah Montana Miley with an almost zombie-like appearance. I’d be terribly afraid to send my middle school child to soccer practice with this guy.

Wu Tang Mouth Mask

I’m a little confused on this one. On one hand, this guy is clearly down with the Wu. In theory, I should buy him a beer for being such a committed killer bee. On the other hand, he could be some next level Juggalo, which I can’t really resonate with. I’m just going to go with Wu Tang simply so I can like him. Good luck getting that job!

Tour Life Back Tat

Tattoos should be memorable. Something with a lot of personal meaning and thought put into it, not your reminder list. This is a sad list of musicians to have on your back. It’s even sadder that you put Nickelback on there not once, but twice. I can feel humanity doing a face palm for you. Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time? Guess not. Extra points for the rainbow Jesus fish!

Nickelback Cleavage Tattoo

Tattoo aside, this is an very unflattering image of this lady. But to top it off, there’s a tattoo of Nickelback on her cleavage. It does look a little like permanent marker though. Regardless of the medium, she has probably one of the worst contemporary bands known to the human earth on her chest. I do give her mad kudos for reppin’ it so hard in the photo. That takes some serious balls I know neither of us have.

The Bono Portrait

What makes this really bad is that this person didn’t pick young, awesome Bono. He picked midlife crisis Bono. Whoever you go to bed with at night must wake up screaming from thinking Bono is in their bed. Major props to the tattoo artist for not killing this customer during the process.

Rush

Honestly, this isn’t that embarrassing of a tattoo. It seems like it’s in a vague, easily concealed spot giving you the ability to get a job. However, Rush is definitely a band that isn't worth putting on your body. I don't think anyone is going to be impressed when they see this. I take that back; If you live the life of Hank from King of the Hill you'll impress a bunch of people.

Bieber Fever

I just threw up in my mouth.

Billy Don Burns Inteview With Outlaw Magazine

Billy Don Burns is a true Country Music Warrior. He wears his battle scars with honor, depicting the stories of his life in his songs with brutal and beautiful honesty. He’s respected far and wide for his long career in songwriting and performing, and he’s still out there. He’s lived it and breathed it through lifetimes of country music passion and pain. Carrying the guitar like a sword on his back, he battles for the Poet. He battles for the Artist. He battles for the souls who defy modern convention. And every time he strikes a chord in some smoke-filled Honky Tonk, he wins. Billy Don Burns started out in this business working with legends, and somewhere along the way he became one himself.

Below is his interview with Andrea Fennel.

AF: It is obvious you live your music with fierce determination and passion, Billy Don. When did you first realize music was the life for you?

BDB: I entered this talent contest when I was in the Army, mostly to get out of all the hell in basic training. There were several acts and the whole post was there on the big night. Don Grady, TV star of My Three Sons, presented the winner with a big trophy. When I won that, I thought maybe I do have something going on for me. It was a pretty big deal. When I got out of the Army, I knew for sure this is what I was going to do.

AF: Who were your influences growing up?

BDB: I grew up in Stone County Arkansas, in Mountain View. I was into Johnny Cash and Hank Williams. Jimmy Driftwood, who won a Grammy and wrote some great songs, was my mother’s school teacher. Jimmy always encouraged me. Those guys would be my first influences. There were many more before I figured out who I was.

AF:  Tell me about when you received your first Publishing deals…

BDB:  When I got out of the Army, Merle Haggard was becoming the hottest country act on the planet. It was 1971 and I had a band living in the Palm Springs area of California. I told the guys that I was going to go to Bakersfield and meet Merle. They said “you ain’t gonna meet him.” I had read that Merle had a Publishing company called Shade Tree. He couldn’t write for it at the time because he was under contract to write for Buck Owens. So, I go to Bakersfield and look in the phone book and there was Shade Tree listed on Niles Avenue. I went there and said I was a songwriter and would like to play them some songs. The lady running the office said I needed to see Roy Nichols as he was in charge of that. Roy was a star to me. He was a big part of Merle’s sound, playing lead guitar in his band. I met Roy and played him a couple of songs. He said “yeah, man, we will publish those.”  Then he asked me if I wanted to meet Merle who was in an office with Bill Woods. I said Yes. He called Merle and and we went in his office. Roy introduced me to Merle. It was so great. He autographed two of his albums for me. Then, he said to Bill Woods “why don’t you get him on Jimmy’s TV show this afternoon, Bill?” Bill Woods was a piano player on the show that was on Channel 32 there in Bakersfield. That was my first time to do a TV show. It was all so great. Then some 18 years later, I got to produce Merle on one of the Johnny Paycheck albums.  The great Harlan Howard signed me first as a staff writer in 1972 in Nashville.

Billy Don Burns with Frank Ehlinger and Ronnie Hymes © Rusty Knuckles Music 2012

AF: Who was the first artist besides yourself that cut one of your songs?

BDB: Connie Smith was on Columbia Records and she recorded my first song the year 1973. Of course, she is now Mrs. Marty Stewart.

AF: What was it like working with Johnny Paycheck and tell me how all of that came about…

BDB: I liked Johnny Paycheck. He was not easy to work with in 1988 – the cocaine and the booze pretty much had him a lot then. However, I am not saying anything bad about Johnny. Hell, it has whooped the hell out of my ass a bunch of times, too. When it was good- it was good. But, it was not an easy gig. When Johnny’s manager went to federal prison in 1988, I became his producer and manager and, hell yeah, it was a pretty rough ride, but I loved him.

AF:  Any good road stories you want to share?

BDB: I think I will pass on the road stories. Most of mine are either X-rated or incriminating, so I better pass on that for now.

AF: What has been one of your favorite moments in your career?

BDB: My biggest moment in the business would be when Johnny Cash sent me a one page letter. That was the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. I gave it to the Stone County Museum in Mountain View, my hometown in Arkansas.

AF: On your CD Heroes, Friends and Other Troubled Souls, you have several guest stars. Who would be your dream person to cover one of your songs?

BDB: I guess I wanted a Willie Nelson record more than anyone else. He has always been such a great writer. So when that happened, it was so good. My first one he did was on his Sony Records Born for Trouble CD. My song was “I Don’t Have A Reason To Go To California Anymore.”  I would have loved to have had a Johnny Cash cut and I think if he would have lived longer that may have happened. He had just found out who I was not too long before he died.

AF: What has been happening with you lately?

BDB: This kid from South Carolina, Aaron Rodgers, ran me down and told me he was a big fan and wanted to produce a new CD on me. We did that and I am proud of it and I think it is one of my best ones. The CD is called (Nights When I’m Sober) Portrait of a Honky Tonk Singer and will be out soon.

AF: What about Music means the most to you?

BDB: What I love about this business the most is expressing myself and then have people write all these great things about what my songs mean to them. That makes me feel like a success. That is the best and it humbles me when I hear the nice things that people say about my music.

It is not easy being Billy Don Burns, but that is who I am and the only part that I know how to play.

Hit up Billy Don Burns on Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/BillyDonBurns

Note: Billy Don Burns has just signed with a new label, Rusty Knuckes Records.   

~ Andrea Fennel  

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Andrea Fennel is native Texan who was raised outside of San Antone, and now resides in the outskirts of  Phoenix. She’s a freelance writer for several music publications. She plays the piano, saxophone, guitar and cello and enjoys hiking, hang gliding, and certain hippie activities.

Outlaw Magazine. Country, Rock and Roll, Blues, Folk, Americana, Punk. As long as it is real, it is OUTLAW. Overproduced mediocrity need not apply.

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Outlaw Magazine featuring an interview with Billy Don Burns