Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Tattoos That Will Keep You Out Of Heaven?

Reality television is all around us. Whether it be the website you are reading now, or walking into a Walmart, just praying that you witness an episode of PeopleOfWalmart.com. Every now and then we find such a gem of an article that we have to really digest what we are seeing before we can even attempt to repost our findings. 

Music can be a great divider amongst folks talking on their favorite playlists. Who cares what you enjoy listening to, as our listening pleasure goes out to music across the board from Bach, to Bathory, to Buck Owens and to Buddy Guy. We make no judgements on the tunes, but where the line in the sand is drawn, comes down to fan devoted tattoos. Poor taste can lead to quite the downfall, but even Tosh.O cannot offer these folks any sort of web redemption. Please God, have mercy on their souls.

Check out the post on Noisey.com

"In the past ten years, our culture has reversed its attitude about tattoos, and dermis ink has shifted from offensive scribblings on the disease-ridden arms of convicts and sailors to literally everyone you know in real life and see on TV. As this shift has occurred, the level of dumb tattoos has risen with their acceptance. 

Now don't misunderstand: Dumb tattoos are the best kind. Getting liquored up with your friends and getting matching Meat Shits stick-n-pokes is arguably the best way to whittle Friday night into Saturday morning. But now that every dingus with eighty bucks to spare is lining up at their local tat shop to snag the tree from that Modest Mouse record, we're all starting to wish we'd just stayed clean. Too late.

Anyway, today I went on the Internet and it showed me a bunch of awful band tattoos and then I put them back on the Internet. 

15 Miley Cyrus Tattoos
This Yorkshire, UK local has (count 'em) 15 Miley Cyrus tattoos all over his body. He has her name on both hands and his chest, but the kicker is the portrait of her on his shoulder depicting a post-Hannah Montana Miley with an almost zombie-like appearance. I’d be terribly afraid to send my middle school child to soccer practice with this guy.

Wu Tang Mouth Mask
I’m a little confused on this one. On one hand, this guy is clearly down with the Wu. In theory, I should buy him a beer for being such a committed killer bee. On the other hand, he could be some next level Juggalo, which I can’t really resonate with. I’m just going to go with Wu Tang simply so I can like him. Good luck getting that job!

Tour Life Back Tat
Tattoos should be memorable. Something with a lot of personal meaning and thought put into it, not your reminder list. This is a sad list of musicians to have on your back. It’s even sadder that you put Nickelback on there not once, but twice. I can feel humanity doing a face palm for you. Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time? Guess not. Extra points for the rainbow Jesus fish!

Nickelback Cleavage Tattoo
Tattoo aside, this is an very unflattering image of this lady. But to top it off, there’s a tattoo of Nickelback on her cleavage. It does look a little like permanent marker though. Regardless of the medium, she has probably one of the worst contemporary bands known to the human earth on her chest. I do give her mad kudos for reppin’ it so hard in the photo. That takes some serious balls I know neither of us have.

The Bono Portrait
What makes this really bad is that this person didn’t pick young, awesome Bono. He picked midlife crisis Bono. Whoever you go to bed with at night must wake up screaming from thinking Bono is in their bed. Major props to the tattoo artist for not killing this customer during the process.

Honestly, this isn’t that embarrassing of a tattoo. It seems like it’s in a vague, easily concealed spot giving you the ability to get a job. However, Rush is definitely a band that isn't worth putting on your body. I don't think anyone is going to be impressed when they see this. I take that back; If you live the life of Hank from King of the Hill you'll impress a bunch of people.

Bieber Fever
I just threw up in my mouth.